Guy goes to the store, buys a pack of cigarettes, and the total after tax comes to $23,148,855,308,184,500. I knew tobacco taxes had gone up, but I guess they went up a little bit more in New Hampshire.
The funniest part of the story is the $15 overdraft charge Bank of America charged.
Posted by Kurt Wall at 22:31 2009-07-15 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
Bobblehead Jesus (It's Funny, Laugh)
My entry into the humorously-borderline-sacrilegious, Bobblehead Jesus, or BJ as we've taken to calling him around here. Frankly, I really want Bobblehead Mohammed so I can offend Christians and Muslims. Anyway, I ordered BJ last week, so I hope he arrives soon. I want to start taking him around to all the sites so I can post pictures at ImageWerks.
Before anyone starts hurling anti-Christian epithets at me, I have a strong, well-grounded, tridentine, orthodox Christian faith. I also have a healthy sense of humor. For those inclined to be offended, I offer Rule 62: Don't take yourself too damn seriously. It's a doll. That I have fun with a doll that doesn't look anything like what Jesus probably looked like hardly qualifies as sacrilege.
Posted by Kurt Wall at 22:01 2009-02-08 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
Note to Self… (It's Funny, Laugh)
…remove wife's nude pictures from cell phone.
A fellow in Arkansas left his cell phone, which contained nude pictures of his wife, at a McDonald's. Not surprisingly, those pictures wound up on the Internet. Doh! Equally unsurprising, the man and his wife are suing McDonald's, the franchise owner, and the store manager.
I concede that the store manager, or the management personnel on duty, didn't handle this situation appropriately. The real “villain” here isn't McDonald's, though, it's the moron who left his phone behind. The AP article opens, “Here's some food for thought: If you have nude photos of your wife on your cell phone, hang onto it.” Good advice, yet I think the better advice would be: Don't carry nude photos of your wife around on your cell phone. Dude, there are just some things that you don't take out of the house. I'm reasonably confident that his wife has given him a well-deserved tongue lashing.
I especially loved this reader comment on the article: “Was she Super-Sized?”
Posted by Kurt Wall at 07:53 2008-11-23 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
Steve Ballmer… (It's Funny, Laugh)
…is full of poop. Microsoft's CEO, asked by the San Jose Mercury News to identify his company's "unqualified successes" said the following (among other things I won't bother to ridicule here):
I'd call [Windows Vista] an unqualified success, over the last six months or so. Our Media Room software for set-top boxes, IP-connected set-top boxes, is certainly an unqualified success amongst those people who have it.
WTF? Windows Vista is "an unqualified success" but only if the evaluation is limited to, qualified by, the last six months? Never mind that Windows Vista is a fresh, soft, and warm turd of an operating system that makes Windows XP look robust and nimble.
Calling Media Room software an "unqualified success amongst those people who have it" blows my mind. Wait a minute. Microsoft has software for set-top boxes? I had no idea. I'm sure all three people who use it are delighted with it. Yep, that's an unqualified success!
Not.
I wonder if Ballmer smashed any furniture during the interview?
Posted by Kurt Wall at 21:16 2008-10-06 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
The State of the Economy (It's Funny, Laugh)
Evidently, the economy is bad enough that the Treasury Department issued a new one dollar bill. If you work on Wall Street, you're probably looking like George just now.
Posted by Kurt Wall at 09:15 2008-10-06 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
My Life of Crime (It's Funny, Laugh)
My wild crime spree came to an abrupt end tonight when I was given a ticket for jaywalking.
Yes, you read that right. Jaywalking. I got a citation for jaywalking. Don't believe me? See for yourself. Yes, I thought the same thing you're thinking now. "That only happens on television, to one or more of The Three Stooges, or in cartoons." And, in my life.
It was a flagrant violation. I looked both ways, saw a police car parked along the opposite side of the street but as there was no traffic coming from either direction, started across the street. I was in the middle of the street when the police cruiser pulled out. I stopped to wait. He stopped. I waved, finished crossing the street, and was on my way into a drugstore when I saw the flashing red and blue lights reflected in the glass.
I immediately grokked what was about to happen. I stopped, turned around, walked back to the curb, and waited for the two police officers to pull over and get out of their car. One asked me for my license, and explained that I'd jaywalked (you think?), and said that he was going to issue me a citation. I smiled and cooperated. What was I going to do or say? "You'll never get me alive, copper!" Sure. Good luck with that.
They were firm, polite, even gracious, but I think we all appreciated the humor of the moment. I certainly did. The other officer (the one not writing the ticket) explained that they had just left their pre-patrol briefing during which they had been told that 40% of San Jose's automobile-pedestrian encounters were the result of jaywalking, a statistic that is four times the national average. As a result, they were told to start issuing citations to jaywalkers. Our business concluded, I went into the drugstore and they did whatever they do after issuing a citation.
Yes, boys and girls, let my comeuppance be a lesson that crime doesn't pay!
Posted by Kurt Wall at 19:45 2008-02-26 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)
Speaking of Famous Last Words (It's Funny, Laugh)
In the more-proof-that-booze-separates-people-from-their-better-judgement department, a Cambodian man died after attempting to capture a two-meter long cobra in his pants (he wasn't wearing them at the time).
I couldn't make this up if I had to.
As reported in the Bangkok Post, the unfortunate, drunken fellow doffed his britches and tied the cobra in them, intending to sell it later. The cobra was having none of this. While the man continued to drink, the cobra got its fangs free of its fabric prison and bit the guy three times on the stomach.
The part that kills me, as it were, is the last sentence in the story:
The newspaper reported Kear's last words as being “don't worry–it's nothing a drink can't fix” before he succumbed to the cobra's venom.
Talk about famous last words!
Posted by Kurt Wall at 10:41 2007-11-09 | Trackbacks (0) | Comments (0)